we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
