come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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