She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
