She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My breasts were aching with rage.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
