I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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