There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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