Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
