Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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