I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
