Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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