And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
