Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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