Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
