I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i now understand why vodka
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
