yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How does it feel to date your dad?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
