can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
