get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
