I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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