im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
