Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
