sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
