she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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