You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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