Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
