I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
