we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
