omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
NoShamevember. You game?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
