I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
