Tell her she can't have a vagina
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
