I wanna bring you to show and tell
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
