Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
