wrigley field is MILF paradise
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
