Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You may now shotgun with the bride
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
