yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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