Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
