you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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