I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
