it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
