im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
where am i from again
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
