STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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