do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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