i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
