My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
