ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
