im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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