Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
