idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
