you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
