I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
