I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
