In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
