Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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